“Look there,” he pointed to the sign, “Aura.” He grinned. Not just any ordinary smile. But, one of those big, white toothed, Hollywood grins.
“And so?” I replied, as I could feel the warmth of his hand in mine.
“And so, aura is in Laura!”
“No, it’s the other way around,” I laughed, “Laura is in her aura!”
He stopped and pulled me close…my heart sang….
Then I woke up. A dream. I moaned as I felt a deep ache in the pit of my stomach with regret. It was sill dark while my eyes focused in on my surroundings, realizing I wasn’t home, but in a cold hotel room somewhere outside Cleveland. My thoughts stirred to recapture the warm feelings from my dream. All kinds of emotions emerged as I reflected of how I had abandoned him when he needed me most.
“It’s really not a good time for me to talk,” he said, “I’m angry that he wouldn’t listen. I’m a doctor, too, for gods sakes, you’d think he’d have some sense.”
“You couldn’t have saved your brother, Kent.” I said, in attempt to comfort.
“He just gave up,” his voice filled with frustration, “really, don’t you think if you had cancer you’d try everything to survive.”
“Well you and I might, but, Will, he was different.”
“He literally just took the word of what other doctors told him. Then rolled over and died!” He exclaimed.
“It doesn’t matter that you’re the best doctor in the world, it still wouldn’t have saved him.” I consoled. “He surrendered because he could.”
“Hmmm,” he continued, “I don’t think I can bare the thought anymore.”
“Sure.” I replied, “When you’re ready, I’ll be here.”
“Thanks.” He said softly.
“Good night.”
When we hung up from our last phone conversation, I thought that it might be awhile before I heard from him. But, I knew he’d reach out when he was ready, because he always did. That was 6 years ago. My clock read 4 am. It’s only 1 am back on the coast. Maybe I’ll try calling him, again…or maybe not. I fluffed up my pillow, rolled over and drifted back to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It took me nearly 45 minutes to drive back from Cleveland, where I did a morning interview for the conference. My day was filled with appointments, which usually makes me feel good with productivity. Yet I didn’t feel good, instead, more anxious to get back and try contacting him back in California while it was still early. Thoughts of him were driving me crazy, again, as they came frequently. The crisp air blew through my windows returning my thoughts to one of our earliest meetings.
Lying on his examining table, I trembled while he scanned me for lumps. Test had already confirmed that my diagnosis was cancer. I just needed a second opinion. After meeting Kent at a Health Conference in LA, he encouraged me to get more test. I felt alone, scared, and confused. Especially since all my family was back out east during this difficult time. His presence, however, assured me that somehow everything was going to be okay. It was like he was already healing me with his touch. Even so, I wept, quietly. Too embarrassed by my display of emotion, I turned my head so he wouldn’t see the tears. He didn’t address it, but just allowed me the space to cry.
The memory fueled my drive to reach out to him again. Surely, by now, he had to come out from cover. But back in my room, the search in California seemed futile.
“Sorry miss,” The operator said, “there isn’t a Dr. Kent Beane in Santa Monica.”
“How about Encinitas, California?”
Maybe he relocated to a surrounding area?
“No Dr. Beane. Sorry.”
“Wait!” I exclaimed, “Can I try another?”
“Sure.”
“Try Malibu!”
“Again, I’m sorry miss.”
I fell back on my bed exasperated. Why am I doing this to myself? I’m desperately clinging on what appears to be a ghost. Maybe he took off to some island? Or maybe he went into practice with another doctor? With my eyes closed, I waited to see if I could receive any insights. Nope. I just hope that he didn’t go into practice with a woman!
My heart warms as his image came real clear to mind again. The one with his big white toothed Hollywood grin. A deep inhale, I exhaled seeing my heart open to the possibilities of making contact. We always had that telepathic thing going on whenever we were together. If he’d only call to say ‘hello.’ I think I’d be okay with that message.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Days later, I busted through my front door with still no word. I kicked off my shoes, dropped my bags and headed for my sofa. My daughter runs past me to her room, excited she’s home too for the first time in a week. It’s quiet for a few minutes, before I felt a small hand placed over my forehead.
“Are you sick mommy?”
“Oh, no, honey” I squinted my eyes open, “Just tired from traveling.”
I take her in my arms for a big squeeze. “Did I tell you that I missed you?”
“Yes….” She squealed.
“Look in my bag.” I said, “There’s a surprise waiting for you.”
“Yeah!” She giggles, while digging in deep and pulls out the package.
“Mommy! I wuv it!”
She tore the package apart within seconds.
“Cindi-wewa!” She started twirling with the doll singing her princess song.
“La, Laaaa, Le, La!”
The girl has never seen Cinderella, yet she is well versed on princess mania!
Watching her dance around the room made me happy that we had each other.
Then it was like a light bulb turned on: facebook! Why didn’t I think of it before?
I jumped towards my laptop, opened its cover and scrambled to key in the words, 'Doctor Kent Beane, Facebook.' It gave me hope to see that the search engine was working on retrieving information. When google actually listed his name, I felt peace, especially when I saw his picture. Then I read the page.
Kent passed away on January 8, 2007. This page was created in August of 2009 as a tribute to him from friends and family. For more information, click on the above tabs.
So I clicked on more links. This is what I read:
Kent died of cancer. He had a malignant tumor in his neck that was misdiagnosed. He used everything in his arsenal to fight this cancer, but in the end, the cancer won. He died peacefully with his friends and family at his side. I know that he is alive and well in the astral plane, looking down at us right now…..
The last thing I could see was that the Facebook page had only gone on line last month; nearly 3 weeks. Tears fell so hard that I couldn’t read the page anymore. He’d been trying to connect all along. Guiding me to this point; certainly to demonstrate he had heard my call, but doing his best to reach me over the last few years. My heart, masked by hurt, regret, guilt, dismissed the opportunity to reconnect with his spirit. I felt it justified the distance. In the end, I was the one who lost.
It’s easier to push aside the pain. To not feel, burying self in mundane tasks, convincing the heart it’s okay to remain closed and to protect. But, if the images of a loved one, from the past, comes to mind, know that it is a calling for the heart. If you are fortunate enough, reach out and say hello.
Medium, Laura Lee is regularly heard on Magic in the Morning on 100.7 FM. She has also appeared on TLC, PBS, NBC, FOX, Discovery Channel & Game Show Network. Laura is performing at the Majestic Theatre on October 30; www.MessagesOfLove.com
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